I can't handle it.
Time is moving way too fast.
I'm scared. Seriously.
Just this afternoon after I finished all my classes, I did a really quick food shop at the local supermarket and as I was carrying it all home, I saw my reflection in the window of the launderette and I had an epiphany
(new word I learnt from The Simpsons Movie - are you proud of me Stephen? =p You use that word a lot these days),
"Oh my gosh ... I'm at university,
for the last few months I've been supporting myself,
making my own decisions of where I go at night without asking for permission,
what mobile phone I buy,
what clothes I buy without worrying about mum yelling at me for how expensive it was,
I'm hours away from 'mammy and baba =p',
I'm doing my own food shopping,
I'm going to have to cook it myself later."
Okay okay, I know that was the most stupid example ever but I'm serious.
I was thinking,
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE DAYS WHEN I WAS STILL IN SCHOOL AND WENT HOME EVERYDAY RELYING ON MY PARENTS FOR FOOD, MONEY, AND PERMISSION TO DO LITERALLY ANYTHING.
I left 'high school' almost 3 years ago.
I was in my 2nd year of A Level College and became 'MissYau' a year ago.
I left my hometown for Sheffield about half a year ago.
In 5 months time, I'm going to China for an entire year as part of my Chinese course.
In just over 3 years time, I'm going to finish university and will have to find a job, decide where I'm going to work which will also decide where I'm going to live.
Buying a house? Marriage?
I'm scared.
I really don't think I can handle it.
Don't you just ever wanna go back to those carefree days where you had hardly any responsibilities and could just watch TV all day? (Of course that was before the internet became the new TV).
In some ways I think I miss my 'carefree' days a lot more than others because I've grown up being 'forced' to be older than I really am.
I've come across many times in my life where there was just no room for me to be a child, and I had no choice but to be an adult.
I know you hear a lot these days, especially from black women like flippin' Beyonce and Tyra Banks who say,
"I'm a strong woman."
Well you know what.
I'M a strong woman and hardly anybody knows it.
I'm grateful that I'm already so strong-minded so early in life
but sometimes I just sooo badly want time to go slower so that I can enjoy being a kid again.
5 comments:
I completely understand you. Those child days are over. In five years I will be 25 which is 1/2 of 40 and for is 1/2 of 80 which means LIFE IS TOO SHORT.
I'm trying the whole "live your life" thing and enjoy the college lifestyle (which I'm not enjoying at the moment) because once I'm out of school, there is no turning back; job, marriage, kids, etc. AH!
i feel that way sometimes and then i think of that Jack Johnson song that goes like "I hope this old train breaks down, then I could take a walk around, see what there is to see, time is just a melody". Im still living at home but i'll be moving out by then end of summer and then i'll feel that way pretty much all time xD but hopefully i'll still be able to have fun and do the stuff i enjoy :D
don't freak me out man...i have a year and a half til school ends and it feels like yesterday when i just started high school x___x
on the flip side, in a few weeks you'll be in australiaaaaaa!
you can do it
hello..just dropping here to say hi=)
Post a Comment